I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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