So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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