Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
two words...techno handjob
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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