i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
