Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
