If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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