I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
