After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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