I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
