he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
