Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
