You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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