I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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