I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
