i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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