I have demons in me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
