I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
