that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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