the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
