Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
