just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
