i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
