You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
