Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
