The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
