please come you make the beer taste better
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
