i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
