I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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