I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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