I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
These tits shall not be calmed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
