My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
