If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
