Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
