Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
