btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
