I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
