That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
