...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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