was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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