I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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