My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
