just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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