I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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