I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
