the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
