I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
