Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
