Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
