I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
my poor anus
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
