THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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