If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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