you mean i was at the winter classic?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
