There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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