why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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