wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
