You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
