There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
