the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
