My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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