A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
