my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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