I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
