I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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