I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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