So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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