I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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