i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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