Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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