SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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