Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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