Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
